The Bottom
I was suicidal. Severely depressed. I ran away from home because being there felt like suffocation, and being anywhere else felt like drowning. I hated myself. I hated my life. I hated the person looking back at me in the mirror.
The pain was unbearable. The kind that makes you look for any exit. I was in toxic relationships where I gave everything and got crumbs in return, convinced that's what I deserved. I abused my body with disordered eating because controlling what I consumed felt like the only control I had left. I starved myself. I binged. I punished myself through food because hating my body was easier than hating my life.
So I numbed it all. Drugs, alcohol, whatever could take the edge off the unbearable pain of existing in my own skin. I'd use to feel something other than emptiness. I'd use to escape the voice in my head telling me I was worthless. I'd use because the alternative was sitting alone with how much I hated myself, and that felt like dying anyway.
I was isolated. I was ashamed. I was convinced I was fundamentally broken in a way that couldn't be fixed. The relationships I was in mirrored what I believed about myself. That I wasn't worthy of real love, of respect, of being treated well. I accepted crumbs because I didn't believe I deserved the whole meal. I abandoned myself so completely that I became my own worst enemy. And every day I woke up hating the girl in the mirror a little bit more.
That's what the bottom looked like. Not just sad. Not just struggling. Actively wanting to die. Actively destroying myself. For a long time, that's what survival looked like.
The False Solutions
People told me to fake it till I make it. Think positive. Go to therapy. So I did. I went to therapy. I tried the affirmations. I tried the gratitude practices. I tried the mindset shifts. And none of it stuck because I was building on a foundation of sand. I was still hating myself. I was still broken at the root. You can't think your way out of a problem you feel your way into, and nobody was helping me feel the truth: that I didn't believe I deserved to be here. That I wasn't good enough. That love was conditional and I'd never earn it.
The Breakthrough
Everything changed when I stopped trying to fix my thoughts and started healing my relationship with myself. I realized the inner critic, the people-pleasing, the self-abandonment, the addiction, the disordered eating, the toxic relationships. None of that was the problem. Those were all symptoms. The root was that I'd abandoned myself so completely that I'd become my own enemy. The moment I started treating myself the way I'd treat someone I loved, everything shifted. Not overnight. But real. Nervous system work. Somatic release. Naming the beliefs I'd inherited and the ones I'd built to survive. Rewiring what it meant to be worthy just because I exist.
Why I Do This
At 20, I'm not supposed to have this much clarity. But I came through the other side, and now I know the blueprint. I know what breaks women. I know it's not their inner critic. It's the broken relationship with themselves. I know toxic positivity and therapy alone won't fix it. I know you have to heal at the root.
So I'm a mindset and self-love coach because I can't not be. I'm teaching women what took me years to learn: that the relationship you have with yourself is the foundation for everything else. That self-abandonment is the real problem. That you don't need more tactics. You need to rewire who you believe you are and then embody that daily until it becomes non-negotiable.
I'm not just teaching theory. I walked through suicidal ideation, addiction, severe depression, self-hatred, disordered eating, and toxic relationships to get here. I know what it feels like to want to die. I know what it feels like to be on the other side of that. And I'm here to show women there's another way. Not just intellectually, but somatically, through how I move through the world, and through the way I actually live.
That's what makes this work different. I'm not selling you a framework. I'm showing you a woman who embodies what's possible when you finally fall in love with yourself.
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